#momfail: What To Do When You Totally Blow It
Want to know what to do when you totally BLOW IT AS A MOM?
Oh sure, something happened and you tried to stay calm and deal with it in a super intentional, heart-centered way. But then your daughter started behaving like a lunatic and all that intention went out the window along with the practical approach to parenting you try to take on a daily basis.
I had a fight with Rooney recently that was certainly one for the books. Over what, you ask? Socks. I’ll spare you the ridiculous details but basically I put undue pressure on her to get ready for something she wasn’t even supposed to go to. This kid already struggles to wear pants (just like her dad). She refuses to wear jeans or any version of long-legged attire that doesn’t stretch. If they’re slightly too tight or lose or she’s not not feeling the fabric in ANY way, there’s no amount of lawyering that will convince her otherwise. So when I was in a hurry trying to make it to an appointment and she started flinging sock pairings across the room, refusing to put ANY pair on her actual feet, I had frantic flashbacks of previous pants debacles...and I lost it. I went from annoyed to angry to yelling in about three seconds flat, and we both ended up in tears.
Even the best moms have times like these -- we lose our you know what and then we have to take time to regroup and come back together with the little humans we’re leading and show them how to clean up the mess we’ve made. That WE made. Because we’re the adults. It’s our job to model for them appropriate behavior. But we aren’t perfect, so we need a plan for when we break something and it needs fixing. So here’s my tried and true, 3-step process ---
Step 1: Take time away
In my experience, there is absolutely nothing worse than trying to do the right thing when your hearts racing and there’s smoke coming out of your ears. Removing yourself from the situation will give your body a chance to return to the state it needs to be in for you to make a good decision and have a better conversation.
Step 2: Ask for forgiveness
Owning it when you make a mistake is never a bad idea. Our kids need to see what we do when our emotions get the better of us or when acting or speaking in anger causes us to make a mistake.
Step 3: Recommit to your family’s values
Have you established core family values? If not, I would highly recommend it. It is the best way I know to set expectations in your home about what each team member knows, believes in, and will purpose together to promote. If you have any questions on how to set that up, send me a message (firstname.lastname@example.org) and I'll walk you through it.
In our family, we value peace, unconditional love, and unity. Renew verbally your commitment to what your family believes is most important, and seal it with a physical expression of that commitment. Hugs and hand squeezes work well. :)
Have you ever used one of these hacks? What was your experience? Or which one are you going to try this week? Tell me in the comments below.
Have an awesome day!