3 Steps To Teach Her Accountability
When Brent and I got started down the path of entrepreneurship and founded our female-focused company, we did it for a lot of reasons.
First, we wanted to make a meaningful connection between girls and positive role models. We wanted to present the stories of real women, women who didn’t have all the answers, but who weren’t afraid to live lives of love and service and leadership.
Second, those are the women we felt who could inspire a generation of girls to do the same. We couldn’t see all of the steps at the beginning but we knew it was what we were supposed to do. We felt drawn to the challenge, both separately and together, so it made sense to say YES without actually knowing how we would get everything done.
The biggest reason we did it is that we know that when our lives are over, we will have to stand and give an account of ourselves. We’re going to have to account for each and every opportunity that was placed in front of us.
What did we do with the time, the resources, the talents, the gifts we were given? Did we use them well? Were we good stewards of what was entrusted to us?
That’s what accountability is. It’s making an agreement to do something and then putting measures in place so you can see your agreement through to completion. Accountability is making and honoring a commitment.
Challenge: As you look ahead to the next season of parenting or mentoring, evaluate the culture inside your relationship with your girl. Consider whether or not you have established a culture of accountability. Ask yourself today:
What changes can I make to increase accountability inside this relationship?
Action Step: Choose an area of focus. It could be anything: household chores, screen or social media time, prepping meals, morning routines, or something else. Identify ONE area that needs increased accountability.
Once you’ve got it, use these three simple steps to make a new commitment and hold each other accountable to honor it.
First, set a new and clear expectation for how you both will behave.
Second, come up with a cue to remind each other of the expectation.
Third, create a better opportunity in the moment to do what you agreed to do.
Most recently Rooney and I have used these three steps with regard to respectful communication.
A little background: I was raised by a loving, wonderful, and no-nonsense mother who had the same harsh, almost abrasive tone of voice I have, especially when I get worked up or angry or frustrated about something.
And, wouldn’t you know it, Rooney sometimes uses that same ugly tone. Weird, I know. We decided that we need to change how we speak to each other and that we need to help each other if we’re going to make this change permanent.
1. Set a new and clear expectation for how you both will behave.
“No matter what happens, no matter how frustrated, tired, or angry we are, let’s agree that we will not raise the volume of our voices when we speak to each other.”
2. When necessary, use a cue to remind each other of the agreement you made.
“Remember, we agreed that we would not raise our voices.”
3. Create a better opportunity in the moment to do what you agreed to do.
“Why don’t we both take some time away to collect ourselves so we can speak in a calm and respectful manner? How much time do you think we need? Okay, let’s talk again after we both take time away.”
* * *
All it takes is a short conversation with her to establish a new agreement. Talk about it, pray through it, agree on it, and partner together to hold each other accountable.
I want to challenge you to try it this week. Choose one area of your relationship. Set a new agreement. Think of a cue that will help you stick to what you agreed to do. When one (or both) of you violates the agreement (which will happen!), create a better opportunity in the moment to follow through on the original agreement.
I would love to hear how these conversations go with your girls and what mutual agreements you can make going forward regarding accountability and honoring the commitments you can make inside your relationship. Leave a comment below and let me know how it goes!
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great idea !! thank you!! works for grandmas too! ;)
Great advice. Thank you
Thanks for sharing! Very helpful!
Yinyan Huang on
You got it, Justene. Email is on its way!!
Thanks so much, I struggle with how my 4 yr old daughter and I speak to one another as well. I can’t wait to start using these tips! I really value you teachings and I am interested in your free training how to unlock her true potential.
Justene Kulseth on