Do you ever wonder, like I used to, how you’re going to teach your girl to process her emotions in healthy ways?

We want to help our girls manage themselves and their relationships, but sometimes we don’t even do that very well.

Shout out right now to one of the most important parenting books written in our lifetime.

My friend Sissy Goff (RaisingBoysAndGirls.com), along with her colleagues David Thomas and Melissa Trevathan, co-wrote a book that I refer to often as a parent, mentor, and leader. It's called Are My Kids On Track: 12 Social, Emotional, and Spiritual Milestones Your Child Needs To Reach.

In preparation for the book’s launch a few years ago, I received a sweet package in the mail with a copy of the book, along with some fun little extras. Included was a laminated Emotional Vocabulary Chart. Win! It had several cartoon faces on it. Underneath each face was an emotion adjective word to describe each face. Words like: 

Frustrated     Angry     Sad     Disappointed     Embarrassed     Proud

You get the idea.    

Anyway, I used the chart to introduce a toddling Rooney to these types of words.

The first day, we just sat face-to-face, practiced making each face back and forth and then saying the adjective word out loud. After each one, we would talk through a real-life example.

Then I set out to encourage her to describe different emotions as she would feel them. It took a few days, but in what felt like no time she was ready for more.

Once she had these words in her language toolkit,  I came up with a simple, 3 step strategy to encourage her to process her feelings in real time through guided reflection. This emotional intelligence strategy was a game changer for me, and I'm excited to share it with you! 

Emotional Intelligence Strategy: The 3 Rs 

1. Recognize – Teach her the emotional vocabulary words to call out what she is feeling. Is it embarrassment, impatience, frustration? She’s got to name it before she can tame it.

2. Regulate – Help her notice any physical changes inside her body. Is her heart beating faster? Do her muscles feel tight? Show her a calming strategy like focused breathing to help her reset before she says something in anger.  

3. Respond – “A loose tongue spreads destruction” (Prov. 11:9). The wise measure their words, so show your girl how to tip the scales in her favor.

So let's encourage our girls to harness their emotional intelligence skills to become better leaders. 

The data shows that more women than men excel at developing skills like conflict management, influence, achievement orientation, and adaptability. The more our girls hone these skills, the better. 

Have an awesome day!